The First Yes to Herself
What happens when a woman stops living for approval and begins living for herself?
I never imagined a podcast could change the way I see women’s lives, yet one sentence from a gynecologist stayed with me. She explained that after menopause, many women finally feel able to say no—clearly, calmly, without apology.
Not because they lose compassion, but because estrogen no longer pushes them to please everyone else first.
It caught me off guard… and at the same time, it felt strangely true.
A gynecologist was discussing hormones and the changes in a woman’s body, from adolescence to menopause. Near the end of the podcast, she said something that struck me. She explained that thanks to the hormone estrogen, after menopause, women often begin to feel empowered to say no.
Imagine that: after decades of shouldering invisible expectations, many women suddenly discover that the burden to please weakens. Finally, at this age, they decide they will no longer accept imposed obligations. They stop feeling the pressure to smooth things over for everyone else. Finally.
It sounded strange at first, almost unreasonable. But then I realised: could freedom itself be biological? Could chemistry in the brain explain why some women feel lighter, clearer, and less burdened as they age?
Studies support this idea. Estrogen, which rises and falls throughout a woman’s reproductive years, affects not only the body but also the brain. High levels of estrogen are associated with sensitivity to approval, heightened attention to other people’s feelings, and a tendency to avoid conflict. When these levels drop, usually in the late forties and fifties, something shifts.
To understand this shift, we have to look beyond the ovaries and think about the brain. Estrogen influences:
• Neurotransmitters. Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin — chemicals that regulate bonding, reward, and mood.
• The stress response. By buffering cortisol, estrogen can make people more tolerant of pressure.
• Social sensitivity. Higher estrogen is linked with a stronger need for approval and harmony.
When estrogen is high, empathy and attunement to others’ emotions increase. So does the drive for connection, cooperation, and caretaking. This is not to say that women cannot say no, but the hormonal environment nudges them toward caring what others think.
What happens when estrogen declines at menopause and afterwards? The balance changes. The brain no longer depends as much on estrogen-linked neurotransmitters, and the urgency for approval softens. Many women describe this transition as a sudden clarity, a freedom from the need to sacrifice themselves or constantly repair what is broken around them.
And here is where the story becomes vivid. I imagine a woman at work, asked yet again to finish a colleague’s task; the kind of request she has accepted for years. She would usually smile, agree, and push her own needs aside. But this time, something inside resists. She pauses, inhales, and says simply: No, not today.
The silence feels heavy, but nothing collapses. No apology follows. No explanation. And instead of guilt, she feels something new, something fierce and exhilarating. It is as if a rope has just been untied from her neck. For the first time in decades, she tastes a word she had forgotten was hers: freedom.
The gynecologist’s words echo differently to me now. They were not only about hormones, but about a threshold; a point in life when biology, experience, and perspective align. Estrogen may fall, but something else rises: a sharper voice, a firmer boundary, a courage to step outside the old scripts.
Perhaps this is the quiet gift of menopause, not just an ending, but a beginning of a freer self. Estrogen falls, but courage rises. People don’t change; priorities do. And perhaps the greatest relief of all is that women stop asking permission to live their own lives.
And now, when I think about it more, I can see it in the women around me, even in the quiet ones who never said a word about themselves. It made me realise that these truths need to be shared with the world.💛
If this resonates with you, or if you know a woman who needs to hear it, share it.
Let’s make space for these voices, together.✨